Today, it’s back to square one: The infusion pumps and IVs have returned, the nitric oxide machine is back up and running, and the vent is again pumping pure oxygen into Garrin’s lungs, all to help our sweet baby oxygenate his blood and stay alive. It’s as if someone hit the reset button. We have been here before, the place where doctors and nurses remind us of Garrin’s extremely premature birth using phrases like “really bad” and “last ditch effort,” trying to be realistic without obliterating our hope for a positive outcome. Our minds are cloudy, full of fear and anxiety about what the next minutes and hours will bring, so we sit in silence thanking God for the days and months that we have had with our beautiful son, praying that God keeps Garrin close, that Garrin might always know love and never feel fear, regardless of where his earthly journey takes him.
“There is no finish-line on the path to soul growth- there is no race, no perfect place to get to where life is easy. We can release judgement and fear-based thinking when we entertain that life is a journey with many pit-stops along the way and we are responsible for finding the beauty at every twist and turn.” ~Christine Evangelou