Unanswered Questions

My postpartum check-up was this week when, ironically, it should have been my 30-week prenatal checkup. I’ve had several weeks to reflect on my very short pregnancy and Garrin’s entrance into the world, so I had several questions, the most pressing of which was why.  Why did I go into labor 17 weeks early?  Why could my body not do what it was made to do and carry my son for even a few weeks longer?  Unfortunately, but at the fault of no one, I will probably never have answers to these questions, which is something I’m learning to live with. 

The doctors and nurses at the clinic have been very supportive during this journey, and I want to give a special shout out, albeit a late one, to the nurses who let me cry on their shoulders after I was told about the absence of amniotic fluid almost seven weeks ago. I have never felt crushing pain like I felt in that moment. God put us in each other’s lives for a special reason, and I will never forget what you did for me that day.

Because I had this appointment, I was able to pick up the kiddos from school and spend a night with them. We threw a late surprise party for Daddy, which was a lot of fun, though I wasn’t able to get my mind off of our sweet boy at the hospital.

I have called to check on Garrin twice already, and, thankfully, he had a pretty boring afternoon and evening. Praise God!  It’s hard to believe that he is already more than 7 weeks old, corrected to 30 weeks.  Shortly after he was born occupational therapy stopped by to introduce their specialty and to drop off a “tag blanket.”  She mentioned that her work with Garrin would really begin once he was corrected to 30 weeks.  At that time, his condition was so critical that we questioned whether he would see 24 weeks let alone 30.  But, he did it, and we could not be more thrilled!

“Surprise yourself every day with your own courage.” ~Denholm Elliott

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