No Crystal Ball

Good news: Garrin graduated… diaper sizes! He went from Huggies nano preemie sized diapers to micro preemie sized ones. While this might sound like a silly thing to celebrate, I am thrilled. Like the doctor says, one micropreemie step at a time.

Garrin had a good night last night, and has had a fairly stable day today. The quick trip home was not as nerve racking as I had anticipated it being. I only called four times in the 20 hours that I was away from the hospital. Spending time with the rest of my family in the comfort of our home was just what I needed. My hope is to get home once a week or at least once every two weeks, depending on Garrin’s condition.

As I was sitting on the couch at home, snuggled up with my three older kiddos, I thought about how blessed we are and reflected on how a month ago, I would have characterized it as a perfect night. While we enjoyed each other’s company, and I was overjoyed to spend time with my sweets, something, rather someone, was missing. One month ago, our whole family, Garrin included, would snuggle up on the couch for story or movie time, but last night he was at the hospital alone. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and these thoughts kept me awake for awhile, but, eventually, I drifted off into dreamland. I was able to get six hours of sleep in a row, the most consecutive hours of sleep I have gotten since Garrin was born.

Garrin had a less than ideal blood gas analysis this morning, which concerned me, but I have been told that it was pretty par for him of late. According to the NNP, it is pretty uncommon to see micropreemies’ test results be within normal ranges. Instead, they use the test results combined with the baby’s clinical picture to make decisions about care.

The health care professionals have been very honest with us, telling us that Garrin’s lungs are their biggest concern. They have diagnosed Garrin as having bronchopulmonary dysplasia also known as chronic lung disease of prematurity. There is no way to tell what this diagnosis will mean for him in the future. Unfortunately, there is no crystal ball. One of the NNPs commented that she has seen babies with similar conditions to Garrin’s leave the hospital on no support or with oxygen support delivered through nasal prongs or a trach tube, and in one, extreme instance, a little one had to have a lung transplant. While, luckily, it is possible for Garrin to outgrow most of the symptoms of BPD, his lungs will never look like they would have if he would have been born full term. No matter what the future brings for our little sweetheart, we are here for it.

“Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.” ~Henry Ward

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