For the last 25 days, I have been by Garrin’s side in the hospital, with the exception of four short trips off hospital grounds. My older children have seen me for a combined two hours or so during those 25 days. Today, I am heading home for the first time since Garrin’s birth. My heart is in my throat, and tears ran down my face as we walked out of the hospital even though I know he is in the best possible hands. Twenty hours: I can do it.
Garrin was pretty stable overnight and up to this point in the day, with only minor changes being made to his feedings and respiratory support, so the healthcare team thought today would be a good day for my first night at home. Our of our absolute favorite nurses is on tonight, which is comforting, and I know they will call with any changes. So my husband and I blew a kiss to our miracle and are headed home with a cooler full of breast milk.
Even though he is getting older, Garrin is still struggling to recover from cares. He generally needs additional oxygen for a significant time after being changed and repositioned. Before I left for home, Garrin’s nurse decided it would be best if I either read or sing to him during cares, but not both, to try to reduce the stimulation during that time. While I completely understand the reasoning behind her suggestion, it broke my heart. As a mother who can’t physically comfort her newborn son, I have found solace in praying, singing, talking, and reading to him. Someday, my sweet love. Someday we will read and sing and laugh and praise Jesus.
For the first time today, one of the three doctors mentioned the highly anticipated “H” word. Although the doctor thought my respiratory goals for Garrin were way too aggressive, he did cautiously predict that Garrin will go home somewhere around Christmas or the New Year, at approximately 42 weeks corrected age. While there are no guarantees and Garrin’s situation is still very volatile, these words give us so much hope. We know that through Christ anything is possible. “Jesus gazed at them and said, ‘By human resources it is impossible, but not for God: because for God everything is possible.’” ~Mark 10:27