Light as a Feather

The breathing struggles continued today; although, even the doctor, very matter of factly, said that Garrin seems to be responding a little better to this ventilator. I had a chance to visit with two different nurse practitioners, and each reminded me of the things that Garrin has going for him: he’s tolerating feedings, his bowels are working, no additional brain bleeding was detected on the ultrasound, he only has a small PDA, etc. The NNPs said that while they would like to see him needing less respiratory support, where he’s at is pretty common for a baby born at 23 weeks gestational age. We talked about how he hit the two week milestone, and while that doesn’t give us any guarantees, it’s huge. His little preemie lungs just need more time to grow. I have definitely found that the NNPs to be more positive which balances with the doctors’ direct, statistics-based outlook.

The best part of today came when I GOT TO REALLY HOLD HIM. It was the best experience I’ve had since before he was born. Garrin’s nurse informed me that there was the risk of his breathing tube coming out when he is moved, but thankfully that didn’t happen. It took a team of two nurses, one respiratory therapist, and me to move him from his isolate to the chair, which was inches away. Once we got settled, Garrin rested on my chest, under warm blankets, for an hour and a half.

It’s very clear when looking at Garrin in his Giraffe isolette that he is a micropreemie — extremely small; however, it didn’t hit me how small he really is until he was laying on my chest today. I could barely feel his 650 oz body other than his little feet wiggling against me. After a few minutes, we both relaxed and enjoyed a little snuggle time. I pray that kangaroo care becomes a routine part of our day — we both need that time. Holding him, I felt whole for the first time since this journey started.

My husband and my parents have been managing things at home, taking care of our kiddos. I know they are in good hands, but I miss them dearly every single day. This experience has reinforced how precious the time we have together is. I’ll close today with a quote that offers wise words to love by: “Our children are only ever lent to us. We never know just how long we will be able to keep them for. So, kiss them, cuddle them, praise them and hold them tightly. But most of all tell them you love them.” ~Unknown

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