One Step Forward, Two Back

In addition to running frequent tests, the doctors, nurse practitioners, and nurses have been focused on providing Garrin supportive care to give him time to grow and continue to develop. As he grows, his medical issues have the potential to resolve themselves. He desperately needs time, and the extremely talented medical professionals here have been doing everything they can to give it to him.

His test results showed substantial improvements in CO2 and glucose levels, and his blood pressure has been good. This good news was accompanied by the results of the first head ultrasound, which revealed Garrin has a grade 2 brain bleed. The doctor indicated that this level of brain bleed does not present a more significant challenge than the ones he is already facing being nearly 17 weeks premature.

Our hearts are so full of love for this little miracle. We are so proud of him for fighting, for still hanging on, which is all that we can ask of him at this point. We continue to be baffled by the situation that we find ourselves in: it feels like a dream. Instead of sitting in the NICU, I feel like I should still be pregnant, preparing for my 24-week checkup. Heck, I didn’t even “get” to drink the Glucola and be tested for gestational diabetes. I barely got to feel his little body roll and kick against mine.

But this is our reality. This is where God needs us, and we are more than willing to oblige, to do our part to give Garrin the time he needs to survive. I haven’t been able to leave him for more than a few minutes, and I am not sure when I will feel comfortable doing so. For now, my place is by his side, singing him lullabies, providing him oral care, taking his temperature, and simply loving him. 

The nurse practitioners have told us how impressed they have been with Garrin’s progress over the last couple of days — he has shown he is a fighter. Obviously, we can’t get hung up on these sentiments because things could change in an instant, like we found out when the chest tube broke and had to be replaced. However, we need something to cling to as we watch our baby boy fight for his life.

Garrin’s condition is still very dire. Our nurse today described it by saying that he could die at any minute, but he has come so far in the last five days. Right now it’s about helping him survive this hour so that he can survive the next, helping him survive today so he can survive tomorrow. 

Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow is a big day for all of us: My husband is going back to work. I am extremely nervous about being here without him. I’m nervous that I will be called on to make a decision that we should discuss or that something bad will happen and I will have to manage without him. I would love it if you could say an extra prayer for us as we transition in to this new, new normal.

To give a better visual of how small Garrin is, we took a picture with him sporting my husband’s wedding ring around his wrist.

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