In a few short minutes, it will have been 48 hours, two whole days, since my precious baby Garrin entered into the world nearly 17 weeks premature.
Earlier in the week, I struggled to figure out how I’d squeeze another ultrasound to my already busy first week of classes, but we knew that the lack of amniotic fluid was a medical emergency, and we wanted to do whatever necessary to give our sweet gift from God a chance at life. The hope, of course, that we would be able to keep him from making his grand entrance for at least a day or two. God and Garrin had other ideas. By the time we arrived at the hospital, I was in active labor. Attempts at slowing contractions failed, and, within hours, I was wheeled away to the operating room to deliver our little miracle.
Even without me pushing, Garrin arrived minutes later and was whisked away by the team of NICU nurse practitioners and nurses, before I even had the chance to see him. My husband and I had agreed to rely on the assessment of these highly trained professionals when deciding what to do next. I lay there on the delivery table bawling, waiting for them to bring him to me wrapped in a blanket with regret and sadness on their faces and looks of “there’s nothing we can do” in their eyes, but they never came.
My first glimpse of my beautiful son came via FaceTime. It was more than two hours before I made it to his room in the NICU where he was already hooked up to several tubes and wires. My heart still breaks every time I walk in there, not knowing what to expect once the infamous honeymoon period fades away. But he is still here.
Our lives have been in a whirlwind since Garrin’s birth. My husband and I are struggling to find the right balance between being here for our newborn son and parenting our three older children. We are also still searching for the right combination of optimism and realism, but one thing is for sure, we are in it for the long haul, for every up and down. Praise and glory to the good Lord for giving us these 48 hours, two whole days, that in some ways felt like the longest in my life and in other ways seem to have flown by.
Here’s to seeing what hour 49 brings.